ASK MAULANA

Your Questions Answered

Why is it so difficult to accept defeat?

It is difficult because people are not ready to accept the role of the law of nature in deciding a result, be it success or failure. Man is often governed by his ego and whims, which makes him a case of failure. The logo of The Times of India bears the following inscription, ‘Let truth prevail’.

On the same lines, I would say in real life, the principle to be followed is: ‘Let the law of nature prevail’. If, however, we desire that our ego prevails, it would be hard for us to accept failure and draw a positive lesson from it. On the contrary, if we accept our shortcomings, not only are we able to accept failure but also work towards self-improvement. When does self-respect become ego?

Some take self-respect as an excuse to play a demanding and revengeseeking role. What they do not realize is that being demanding and revengeful is a negative manifestation of ‘ego’, which has no place in Islam. Islam teaches its proponents to be firm when it concerns a duty; not to be stubborn in demanding a right.

A duty-conscious mindset looks at fulfilling the rights of others whereas the mindset of seeking revenge simply aggravates the negative effects of a person’s ego. A very important principle to keep in mind is that doing one’s duty is a virtue only when it does not create another issue. The Companions of the Prophet had migrated from Makkah to Madinah. When Makkah was brought back into the fold of Islam, many Companions said that they should take back their property which they had left behind in Makkah. When the Prophet came to know this, he announced that they all should immediately return to Madinah—he did not allow the redeeming of lost property, as it would have opened up a new chapter of avenging what was once lost. Those who were occupying the property would not have given it up so easily.

During my days at my home village, a person usurped an area encompassing thirty trees from our orchard. A neighbour, when he learnt of this, told me that he would help me retrieve the ownership on gunpoint! I refused. I told him that retrieval would not put an end to the chain reaction that would begin. In essence, we must always think whether a new problem is being generated or is the issue getting resolved. After thinking on these lines, we should determine our course of action.

Should I stop getting offended for everything?

Yes, absolutely! God helps those who take themselves to such levels of objectivity that they are not offended at all. God loves the one who does not get offended whatever be the situation—when a person does this, angels would rush in his direction, exclaiming: ‘Here is the kind of a person we were looking for!’

How can a person identify his shortcomings?

In order to identify our own shortcomings, we must possess an objective mindset and should not get offended by what another person tells us about ourselves. We should imagine the other person to be like a mirror, which gives us an exact reflection of ourselves.

Either one becomes angry on criticism or is overjoyed upon being praised; both these responses are improper. Criticism should be welcomed and due thought should be given to the message being conveyed without becoming disturbed by its tenor. However, one gets offended when one’s ego is touched and that happens even when someone speaks the truth.

Our dormant ego may still get aroused on provocation. A true realist is one who has an awakened mind, one that is able to gauge the slightest of deviation from the path of realism. He accepts feedback as it is and introspects to realize and overcome his shortcomings.