RATIONAL CHOICE AND EMOTIONAL CHOICE
Between Peace & Problems
LIFE is a game of choices. Every moment you have to opt for some choice, either on a rational level or on an emotional level. The rational choice always leads to success, while the emotional choice leads to problems, if not total failure. Opting for the rational choice endows one with peace of mind, while the emotional choice is bound to give rise to second thoughts later in life.
This is due to the law of nature. The law of nature is based on realities; it is not based on anyone’s emotions. When a person goes through a situation and takes a decision on a rational basis, he instantly receives the support of the law of nature. However, if a person decides on the basis of his emotions, he does not get the support of the law of nature. It is this difference that creates problems. This law of nature is mentioned in the Quran in these words:
You may dislike something although it is good for you,
or like something although it is bad for you:
God knows but you do not. (2: 216)
The Quran also applies this principle to the issue of marriage. There is a very relevant verse in the Quran in this regard:
If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike something which God might make a source of abundant good. (4: 19)
Marriage leads to lifetime companionship. Therefore, it is necessary for both partners to be very serious in this matter.
As soon as one decides to get married, one faces the moment of either making a rational choice or an emotional choice. Marriage leads to lifetime companionship. Therefore, it is necessary for both partners to be very serious in this matter. They must take into consideration the long-term benefits, rather than short-term gains. Both should make a rational decision and not an emotional decision.
There is, however, a problem. The time for marriage always comes when both partners are in their age of immaturity and have little experience of real life. At this stage, they are not in a position to take a decision on purely objective basis.
Then what should be done? The Quran gives a very practical criterion for making a decision in this matter. One who keeps in mind this practical criterion will ensure that their married life is a success. Those who fail to follow this criterion take the risk of turning their marriage into a problematic marriage.
The Quranic criterion in this regard is: Don’t follow your desires, follow your reason. Those who are governed by their desire only see the appearance, or take things at face-value. But, being governed by reason makes one reach the depth of the matter.
Reason follows reality and decides by seeing the future rather than the present. Due to this difference, an emotional judgment creates problems, while a rational judgment always leads to success.
Making an emotional choice in marriage may give one temporary pleasure, but in the long run it is bound to turn into a life of problems.
For example, if at the time of marriage one focuses only on the outward appearance and chooses a fashionable spouse, then it might bring with it a culture of entertainment, shopping, and fashionable living. This choice causes a shift of focus by giving importance to superficial activities such as excessive expenditure on materialistic things, engaging in entertainment and dissipation, and leading a fashionable lifestyle.
In contrast to the above, if one’s choice is based on the merits of the individual, the focus at home will be quite different. Importance will be given to serious discussion, intellectual development, simple living, right use of money and energy and concentrating on deeper aspects of things rather than on their superficial aspects. The difference between these two different choices is bound to create two kinds of future. The first choice may lead to a life full of unending problems. On the contrary, the second choice might lead to a successful life.
Making an emotional choice in marriage may give one temporary pleasure, but in the long run it is bound to turn into a life of problems. Whereas a rational choice in this regard may seem to be a hard choice in the beginning, however in the long run it will result in a good life for both the partners.
An emotional choice in marriage promotes materialism at home, on the other hand, a rational choice in marriage promotes a healthy environment and fosters constructive activities at home, as both partners embark on building a bright future for themselves and their children.