LAMENTING OVER THE PAST
No Regrets
AN American psychologist once observed that the activity on which man wastes more time than on anything else is having regrets. People’s energies are dissipated in recalling and mulling over bitter memories of the past and in bewailing the fact that they acted in one way and not another, or that friends, neighbours and relatives had been remiss in their actions and attitudes towards them. The businessman thinks, “If I had invested in project B instead of project A, I would not have incurred these losses.” The young woman sighs, “If I had married X instead of Y, I’d be a much happier person today.” The elderly couple think, “If we had started paying up instalments on a house instead of just renting one, we would now be the owners of a house.” And so on, ad infinitum.
Bitter memories can be converted by positive thinking, into useful experiences— precious lessons for the future.
To entertain such thoughts is a sheer waste of time and energy. The moment we have such thoughts, we should consider whether any remedy is possible at this stage, if something constructive can still be done,— relations improved, an entirely new situation contemplated, etc., and if the answer to these questions is “No, things are now beyond repair,” then one should simply dismiss these distressing ideas from one’s mind and turn to new avenues of thought. It is better to say, “I’ll do better next time,” or “I’ll consider things in greater depth before taking my decision in future,” or “I shall myself see to it that relations are never allowed to deteriorate.” This is a more positive approach to take where there is some possibility of similar opportunities or situations recurring and it certainly keeps one emotionally more stable and mentally healthy to tackle things in this way. In situations where there are no possibilities of second chances, it is better to resign oneself to things as they are and to view things in as detached a way as possible.
The material gain from such an approach is the saving of time and energy which would otherwise be wasted by wallowing in self-pity. Bitter memories can be converted, by positive thinking, into useful experiences—precious lessons for the future.
It should be appreciated too, that remaining constantly apprehensive about the future is just as bad as lamenting over the past, and no sound future can be built by adopting such a fearful and negative attitude.